I always knew I was a figurative pain in the butt.  Anyone who knows me can attest to that fact.  But it was confirmed that I was a literal pain in the butt in September 2000 as I sat listening to my surgeon say “You have a lesion between your rectum and spine.  Given its size, it has moved your organs out of place.  We don’t think it’s cancerous, but we won’t know for sure until we operate.”  Okay, first of all, what is a lesion?  Why can’t doctors just speak in plain language?  What’s wrong with the words “tumor” or “growth”?  And, secondly, is he tripping?  At a minimum, this sounded nasty . . . like something that would have consequences for parts of my body that I had difficulty admitting have natural functions.  Give me a break!  I’m the person who could not use the bathroom at a friend’s home for fear they would know I do THAT.  Uh oh, did I cause something to back up inside of me?!  Anything near my spine suggests that I may end up having difficulty walking in my high heels.  This man is talking about the possibility of hemorrhaging, organ damage, nerve damage, and oh no, a colostomy.  Did he really say that?  Oh, and did I mention that he said it could be cancer?

 

Now I had been experiencing severe pain for months, and several doctors were unable to find the problem.  But there was no doubt in my mind that I was really ill.  By the time my surgeon confirmed the diagnosis of another doctor, I had two weeks to get things in order.  I think the severity of the situation initially escaped me—I was in shock.  Reality set in, however, when my three other doctors called me every day to let me know they were thinking of me.  I remember them telling me that at 37 years old, I was too young to be facing this situation.  How many doctors take the time to show they care?  What a blessing it was to have such wonderful people as part of my medical team.

 

It’s absolutely true that when you face the possibility of death, the last thing you think is that you wish you had worked more.  With only two weeks before surgery, both my mind and my heart were on overload.  I started thinking about the love I had in my life, those I could possibly leave behind, and all the things I wish I had done.  Most importantly, I thought about how good God had been to me, and all the things for which I was thankful.  Then I got busy getting my papers in order, and calling loved ones to let them know what was going on.